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Marriage / Re: The Absurd Divorce Condition

« Last post by scribe on June 14, 2010, 10:04:23 AM »

I don't consider the condition absurd. I think I will recommend it to any couple who are sincere enough to face the challenge they are having in their relationship.

Come to think of it, the vows at the altar has no back-door exit like many will like us to believe. The last time I checked, it still reads TILL DEATH DO US PART!

Kudo's to that wise woman.

Marriage / Re: Is Joint Account necessary for a couple?

« Last post by scribe on June 14, 2010, 09:58:56 AM »

I can't answer YES or NO because the right recommendation for a couple depends on the couple themselves. Also, Joint Account is a VAGUE term.
First what do you mean by JOINT ACCOUNT? That must be well defined and also the goal of having such an account.
However, I believe that a Christian couple should have JOINT PURSE!
That means, they should be one in their finances. Both should disclose their income and jointly agree on how it should be spend.

Marriage / Re: Free Recipe For Love Portion!

« Last post by scribe on June 14, 2010, 09:53:21 AM »

These surely will be a good antidote to couples having difficulty in communicating. It will be difficult maintaining the tempo of ones anger after carrying out some of those tips.
I particularly recommend the 10 Seconds dose. FREEZE!!!

Marriage / Re: Managing Finance In a Christian Home

« Last post by scribe on June 14, 2010, 09:48:54 AM »

To question number 1, my answer is YES, but with conditions.
1. He must ensure the wife understands what financial management for homes is all about.

2. Proper financial budget should be prepared and followed strictly.

3. Allowances should be created for each individual to cater for miscellaneous expenses that doesn't really warrant deliberations. It is important that each of the spouse have some freedom to spend some amount of money monthly or weekly without scrutiny.

To question number 2, my answer is YES. If the wife is a better financial manager, she should handle the management of the fund while the man act as the CEO

Marriage / Is Joint Account necessary for a couple?

« Last post by brotee on June 13, 2010, 07:35:02 PM »

Should a christian couple maintain a joint account? If yes, what should be the mode of operating such an account. If no, what are your reasons. Thanks in advance for your contribution.

Marriage / Managing Finance In a Christian Home

« Last post by brotee on June 13, 2010, 07:15:58 PM »

I got talking with some christian friends and this following questions came up:

1. Should a husband reveal everything about his finances to his wife?
2. Should a man allow his wife to manage the family finance?

There were so much arguments and counter arguments both ways. I will like to hear your views. Cheers.

Marriage / Free Recipe For Love Portion!

« Last post by brotee on May 24, 2010, 07:40:55 AM »

I read this tips online somewhere and modified it to suit me. I recommend it to anyone that wants to rekindle the flame of love or keep it burning fervently. Some of it might sound dumb but it works, trust me.

IF YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS…. Hit pause. This will come in handy the next time your spouse is really bugging you. Before one unrighteous word flies out of your mouth, FREEZE. Just watch your spouse for 10 seconds. Visualize yourself in his/her shoes. Visualize the moment you said yes to the marriage proposal. Pause the action.
Ten seconds gives you enough time to really decide if your spouse is being a jerk or you are the one overreacting because you don't understand what is happening to your spouse at the moment.
Ten seconds pause will help you make a better decision.

IF YOU HAVE A MINUTE… This is from an expert in relationships. If you have a minute, embrace your spouse (even though you actually feel like giving a punch

) gently and gradually synchronize your breathing with his/hers. Just stand there inhaling and exhaling together, as if you were one being. A minute or two of this, apparently, lowers your inhibitions—and that can help your bonding (caution to home managers, don't do this when you've spent all days doing house chores and you are sweating all over, quick shower should come first

).

IF YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES… Jot down three things your spouse has done lately that you appreciate (OK, one?). Send the list as a love note to your spouse in an email, or pin it behind the bathroom door. Or put it in a place you're sure he/she will surely get it. For men, you can insert it inside the shoe you know he will wear for that day. Or just say it in words like you really mean it. Certainly, if there’s one thing the research on happy long-term couples shows, it’s that they figure out how to accentuate the positive. When you say or list what you appreciate in your spouse, it brings those things more to the forefront of the mind.

It may also prompts your spouse to reciprocate.

IF YOU HAVE 3 MINUTES… Here’s another good one from Epstein: Standing or sitting fairly close to your partner, start moving your hands, arms, and legs any way you like—but in a fashion that perfectly mimics his. “This is fun but also challenging,” Epstein writes. “You will both feel as if you are moving voluntarily, but your actions are also linked to those of your partner.” See if this doesn’t activate your empathy circuits.

IF YOU’VE GOT 5 MINUTES… Try a daily forgiveness ritual. It's like a little shot of immunity to prevent you from fighting. Find a quiet spot to sit, and let these phrases go through your mind: If I have hurt or harmed you, knowing or unknowingly, I ask your forgiveness. If you have hurt or harmed me, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive you. This might be difficult at first, but if you keep taking the recommended daily dose of this love portion, you'll soon see great improvement in your relationship.

So what love formula do you use to make your marriage blissful?

Marriage / The Absurd Divorce Condition

« Last post by Tony on May 24, 2010, 06:52:26 AM »

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by.
Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me. She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute.
I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.

- Author unknown -
May God help those of us that are married to learn the important lesson from this. If you enjoy this, pass it on to someone you think might find it useful. Shalom.